A Year's Time
by SensuallyPassionate
Summary: Kevin and Double D were in ba secret relationship a year ago. Things were broken off due to Kevin being unable to understand and decipher his feelings and sexuality. A year later, Double D is in an abusive relationship with Kevin's friend. Kevin struggles with how to handle everything.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter theme song: "Treat you better"- Shawn Mendes

Prologue

**Kevin**

It burned my soul to watch him tongue kiss another lover. I wanted to turn away but found myself unable to. Craig had the dork on center stage inside the lunchroom, groping him as he visibly grew more and more uncomfortable. I took another swig of my cola, turning to hear the laughter of my friends and teammates. I don't even know or remember what the hell we were all talking about. I became so lost in watching "him", I stopped listening ten minutes ago.

"Aye, yo, Kev." I turned to meet the voice of Jason, starting linebacker for the season. "You good down there man?"

I gave a half smile, nodding as I downed the rest of my cola. I kept watching them in my peripheral. Craig now had his mouth on the dork's supple, porcelain skin; nipping gently at his tender flesh while leaving slightly visible bite marks under his shirt collar. I felt my temper rise, subconsciously gripping the metal soda can in a vice grip. I felt Nazz lay a gentle, reassuring hand atop of mine.

"_You l-l-love m-me, K-Kevin?" he stuttered into my ear, still under the influence of the "Jungle Juice" he mistakenly drank by the dozen for fruit punch. I smirked, allowing one hand to graze the underbelly of his shirt, another gliding against the growing bulge constricting against my denim jeans. _

_"Yes." I answered huskily. I grabbed the thin fabric of his cotton shirt to bring him in for a forceful kiss. I was growing impatient with the growing lust brimming over from the heat between my legs. Double D wasn't making it any easier either, his writhing against my crotch and chest adding more pressure to my aching sex. _

_"Kevin?" He whispered in my ear, nibbling on the three small platinum studs in my left ear he secretly gifted me for Valentine's Day this year. I liked this "forceful" Double D very much. _

_"Yes?" _

_"I feel so...h-h-hot." he murmured with a crimson blush. His eyes were glazed over as his breathing grew more ragged. I smirked into another rough kiss, unbuckling my pants. I couldn't take this foreplay any longer. _

_I grasped my pulsing member through my cotton boxer briefs, pulling out myself in full glory with a single stroke. Double D's half-lidded eyes marveled at seeing me for the first time, his cheeks flushed in rose. _

_"Oh Dear." He gasped. His fingers gently trailed down from the warmth of his flushed cheeks to the firm grasp of me stroking myself. The wetness of my precum already pooled at the tip, tempting to touch. _

_He looked at me. _

_"Suck me off, D." I commanded. _

_I watched his feminine, aerobatic body kneel between my widened stance gracefully. He was too far gone to even consider the growing amount of "germs" that were hidden within the basement carpet of Jason's house. _

I watched Double D pull away from Craig, his expression being a mixture of crestfallen and firm. Craig gripped his wrists with force, causing him to yell as he was brought into a whisper. I watched him turn again- stoic.

"I'll be back." I yelled out, grabbing arbitrary garbage to take to the trash can. I needed an excuse to get closer to their table.

Craig still had a vice grip on Double D's wrist, his nails digging into his skin that was painful-no doubt. Double D attempted to pull away again but was once more brought into a violent whisper. I watched Craig finally release Double D and push his empty tray in his direction. Double D's shaky hands taking the tray and walking to a trash can on the other side of the cafeteria at the immediate sound of the lunch bell.

"Sup, Kev." Craig turned to me, smiling. " Didn't see you there."

"You good, man?" I inquired. "I watched you and the dork for a second. Everything alright?"

He rolled his eyes, rising from the lunch table to lay his arm over my shoulder. "Bitches. That's it, man."

Craig recently came out as bisexual and was openly exploring his sexuality with a few people-including Double D. It was a shock to Peach Creek that the Captain of the Hockey team admitted to being openly bisexual but with the current culture and growing acceptance of the LGBTQ community, it wasn't that much of a surprise. If only things were like this a year ago…

"Yo, D, come here." He yelled across the room. I watched Double D obediently comply, avoiding eye contact with me.

"Yes?" He spoke softly, almost inaudible.

"Speak to my friend here, D." His tone was abrasive, almost alarming.

I watched Double D's solemn eyes connect with mine briefly. "Greetings, Kevin."

"More like it." He grinned. "I want my homework done on time tonight, dork. Last time you were late delivering it and I had points taken off."

"You still received an exceptional letter grade of an "A"." He interrupted. I watched as Craig moved away from me and into Double D's personal space. His masculine hands gripped Double D's face roughly, forcing him to look directly at him.

"Are you talking over me, Eddward?"

"N-N-N-No…" he stuttered, recoiling in fear. "I was simply saying that…"

I watched as Craig lifted a heavy hand and ran it across Double D's face- slapping him with enough force to have his beloved hat fall to the lanolin floor. Double D yelped in terror as he crouched to avoid another blow.

The controlled anger was now overflowing and long overdue. "What the hell, Craig!?" I bent down to help Double D but he violently pushed me away.

"Kevin, don't worry about him. He's fine. I do this all the time and he likes it. He is a good, obedient slut that does what I want, how I want it. Isn't that right, Double D?"

I watched Eddward nod absentmindedly, his gaze not leaving the floor. He quietly put on his hat, head remaining lowered. I attempted to touch him again but he pulled away once more.

I didn't recognize this Double D.

_"Why can't you understand, D?"_

_He watched quietly as the windshield wipers of my car swayed back and forth against the gentle pelting of the rain. We remained silent for awhile before he finally spoke. _

_"I love you."_

_I ran a single hand through my hair, knocking off my infamous red hat only to put it back on. "I know."_

_"Why can't you say it back? You did once."_

_"I didn't, D." I whispered. "I answered your question."_

_He finally looked at me. "I asked if you loved me. Your response was indicative that your feelings mirrored mine."_

_"And they do!" I shouted. He gasped, turning slightly to play with the small frays in his sweater. "I just am not ready for all this shit."_

_"Are you not ready to confirm your emotional attachment to me or the confusion as to your blurred sexuality, Kevin?" He snipped. _

_"What the hell you just say to me?" I growled, eyes slit. "You have gotten some lip since we last hung out, dork. Knock that shit off."_

_"Or what, Kevin?" He unexpectedly matched my glare. "Were you planning to make another empty physical threat? Or perhaps would you rather shoot your semen down my th-"_

_"Get. Out." I snapped._

_His expression softened. "What?"_

_"I said…" I paused, flipping a switch on the side to unlock the car before reaching over to open his door. "Get. Out."_

_There was an awkward silence, him seeing if I was issuing another "empty threat" and I seeing if I could stand firm in my ebbing anger. I didn't even understand why I was so damn angry. I loved Eddward, Double D. But he was a guy. Was I ready to tackle something like this? _

_Were my feelings for him even valid? How could I love him so effortlessly? Is that how love is supposed to be?_

_I'm pretty shitty at regular, heterosexual relationships. Almost all my ex-girlfriends hate me because I cheated on them or used them for sexual release. Every single romantic relationship I have ever been apart of, I ruined with infidelity, lies, and deceit. Half of their names are long forgotten as the "feelings" I had for each of them waned over time. What I feel for Double D is foreign and new, terrifying and exciting at the same time. How could I even fathom a relationship with someone I loved when I barely knew how to function in one with someone I just wanted to fuck?_

_I pulled out a lone cigarette from my jacket pocket, grabbing my lighter from my cup holder that held spare change. Placing the stick in my mouth, I began to light up; taking a well-deserved drag before exhaling it out into the cold, damp air of early winter. I didn't even bother looking at Double D. I never smoked around him because of his disdain for the smell and the taste when we kissed. He knew then I wasn't changing my mind. _

_It was better this way. _

I stood to my feet, watching Double D grabbing his things off the floor.

"Meet me after practice, D. I didn't bring my car so I need you to drive me home."

Double D nodded, eyes still glued to the floor. "Anything else?"

Craig thought for a second, grabbing his forgotten backpack off the lunch tables. "Matter fact, do my boy, Kevin, a solid and do his homework as well. We have this party tonight we don't want to miss."

"He doesn't have to." I mumbled. "I gotta study anyway and already plan on just writing anything down." My eyes never fell off Double D.

"Nonsense." He slapped my chest with a large smile. " Let me share the wealth, bro."

"Craig-"

"Walk him to his locker, dork." He clipped. "Get his homework and finish on time."

Double D nodded, clutching the books in his hand. He remained quiet as a church mouse.

"See you tonight, Kev." He sauntered off, throwing up a peace sign. "Let me know if the dork gives you trouble."

I waited for Craig to be out of distance before I spoke. "Dork, I mean, Double D, you don't need to…"

He cut me off. "You are in majority of Craig's classes so I am assuming you have the same assignments. I'll do double work so there is no need for me to walk to your locker unless it's another assignment you wish for completion."

"Yo, Edd, I really don't…"

He interrupted again. "Shall we be going to collect another assignment from your locker or should I simply use the syllabus from Craig's classes?"

"Double D." My voice was firm. He stilled, growing quiet. He knew I took that tone when I was serious. "I don't need you to do my homework."

I watched him swallow. "Very well." He whispered, finally making eye contact with me. "I bid you good day then, Mr. Barr."

I reached out to grab his wrist as he spun on his heel to leave. I felt the rough markings of where Craig's nails dipped into his butter skin. He winced slightly, pulling away.

I heard the next group begin to file into the cafeteria for the latter half of the lunch period.

"I'm going to be late, Mr. Barr." He whispered. "If there isn't anything you need, please let me go."

"Why do you let him treat you like this, Edd?" I spoke, my voice a little more broken than I would have liked it to be.

"My personal choices don't reflect your own. My decisions are mine and mine alone to make."

"Double D." I stepped closer. "He's abusing you. Everyone sees it. I can't stand to watch it."

"Then look away." He turned. " You do that best, right?"

_"Look, the dork has lace panties!" _

_"And a picture of Kevin!" _

_There was an eruption of chaos as the team crowded over Simon to get a glance at what was inside Double D's messenger bag. I watched him writhe in pain on the floor, gracing a busted lip, bruised cheek bones, and probably a fractured rib. I sat on the edge of the bench in the middle of the locker room, nursing a sport drink as I desperately waited for the Xanax to kick in. _

_I turned away, ignoring the homophobic slurs they threw his way. Simon caught Double D in the shower after gym class beating one out to whispers of "my name". They pulled him out the shower, in mid-climax when streaks of Double D's climax hit Simon's leg upon his release. Having another man's seed on his leg revolted him and caused him to accuse the dork of trying to "convert him fag". Blows to his face and body came shortly after when I filed in with the rest of the team. I caught the tail end of the assault as Double D fell at my feet, coughing up blood. _

_"Yo Kev, want a shot at this fairy?"_

_I shook my head, eyes magnetic to the cool concrete of the locker room floor. "Let him go."_

_"No way, man." I heard Jason roar out. "He doesn't get to disrespect the captain of our football team like that."_

_There was a union of agreement. More blows to Double D's frail body as his muffled screams grew weaker. I couldn't take anymore. I needed to get out. _

"Edd."

"I need to leave, Mr. Barr." His voice was shaky. "Good Day."

I reached out for him again, this time not letting go. I watched him turn towards me again, cheeks stained with trails of tears.

"Edd." I spoke softly. I feared for the shell of the man I loved before me. "Let's go."

"I have class." He said matter-of-factly.

"Let's go." I repeated, grabbing the keys of my motorcycle from my front jacket pocket. I maintained my grip on his wrist, pulling him in the direction of the outdoor terrace of the lunchroom. It led directly to the parking lot with and had no security cameras.

He dutifully followed, not daring to object. When we reached the parking lot, I forced my helmet over his head, taking his books to put underneath my seat in the locked compartment. Double D stood motionless, eyes glazed over in a lifeless expression I didn't recognize.

"Get on." I gently instructed, telling him to hold onto my waist for safety.

He followed and allowed himself to press against me for the first time in over a year. Feeling his warmth reminded me of the first time we had sex. It happened to be on this very bike.

"Hold on." I spoke softly, bringing the bike to life. I felt his grip around my waist tightened as I exited the school parking lot in a thunderous roar.

I was happy the traffic back to my place was light and the early afternoon rush hadn't started yet. It gave me enough time to spend with Double D before Craig noticed he was gone. No one knew about our previous secret relationship or that we were former lovers but the dweebs and Nazz.

Unlocking my door, I ushered Double D inside. He stood in the hallway momentarily before removing his shoes and dropping his messenger bag near the doorway. He walked towards the kitchen, remembering where everything was. I watched his grab a glass from the cupboard and fill it with water from the tap, swallowing two pills he grabbed from his pocket.

I allowed him a moment to calm down before I approached him, cornering him against the kitchen sink so he couldn't escape. His eyes grew low as his breathing slowed. I forced my hand into his pocket much against his pleasure before taking out a small plastic bag with familiar looking pills. They were his antidepressants. He snatched them from me, shuffling them into his back pocket before turning to avoid my lingering gaze.

I grabbed his face, tilting his chin up to meet me before placing a loving kiss upon his lips. "I don't like seeing him hurt you."

"Why does it warrant your concern?" He whispered, fresh tears brewing.

I was finally able to say it now. " Because I love you."

I watched him sob into my hand, then my chest as he broke down further. If only I was a year sooner.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter theme song: "Apologize": One Republic

**Edd**

"Right there." His voice was raspy, his grip tightening against my raven tendrils underneath my cap. I closed my eyes tight, blocking out the faint sounds and heavy pulse of the music downstairs. He was a huge fan of electronic dance music and it showed.

I felt him reach that europhic release, his knuckles turning pale as the moonlight with each tightening grip against my scalp and his denim pant leg. I was accustomed to his rough, aggressive behavior and my medication numbed my nurological receptors for deciphering and displaying emotions. It worked out in both our favors- he getting his release against a defenseless play toy and I getting to feel... somewhat of something for once outside of shame.

"Clean yourself and this mess up." He tossed me a used wash cloth in my direction, I watching with hidden disdain as it hit the floor. I made a mental note to find a more sanitary one. There were stains that I did not care to understand on the lime green one he offered. I stayed in my kneeling position by his desk chair, the sounds of him zipping his pants and fixing his belt buckle filling the semi-silent room.

"I expect you downstairs in fifteen minutes, dork." I nodded, still not making eye contact. "Paige is downstairs and I want both my bitches in my sight, got that?"

I nodded again dumbly, this time finally raising my head to look at my "lover". He had this mischievous, satisfied smirk on his face as his chest puffed with pride and a sense of power. "I'll be right down."

I watched the door slam as I stood to go towards the bathroom. Craig wasn't anywhere near clean and sanitary to my standards but he had by far the cleanest home I have visited outside mine. His belongings were neatly labeled as mine were with everything in alphabetical and color-coded order. I noticed from the fresh restock of cleaning supplies near the toilet that he cleaned and santized regularly. It gave me a little bit of relief to know he was mindful of at least his hygeine if anything.

I grabbed a spare toothbrush from the bathroom cabinet behind the mirror, squirting a small, teal line of toothpaste against the bristles against the soft him if the faucet.

_"Kevin!" I whimperd against the soft pillows. I felt my nails dig deeper into the tweed of his mother's favorite couch. Kevin was much stronger than me and kept my frail body pinned against the cushions to ride out the wave of my climax. In the year of our secret relationship, Kevin had never returned the favor of fellatio. He was the "top" that is colloquially attributed to being the more masculine, dominant partner in a alt-hetero normative relationship. I was the "bottom", the more submissive, feminine partner. With our roles being unspokenly agreed upon, there were certain intimate acts Kevin refused to entertain due to ideas circling toxic masculinity- reciprocal oral stimulation being one of them….until now._

_I kept my eyes closed,face covered with my left arm as my body finished spasming, my toes pulling muscles that were beginning to strain. I felt Kevin get up and move towards the bathroom. I knew what he was doing and felt myself blush rose at the thought of him having his mouth full of….that. I heard him gargle mouthwash before violently spitting it out against the sink. More embarrassment and I could feel my ears burning. _

_How did we get here? Oh yes, that's right. I remember I was near his kitchen sink taking my medication before he rudely invaded my privacy. Kevin then finally said what I wanted...needed...him to say for over a year. _

_"I love you." He whispered again, my eyes fluttering open as he slowly pried my arm away from my face. A chaste kiss was placed upon my lips as he repeated himself again. _

_"I love you."_

I shook my head at the memory turning off the water and putting away the toothbrush and toothpaste backnin its correct order. Craig doesn't know about last week with Kevin. Even though Kevin and I did not have sex, Kevin's favor against my genitals would make Craig grow violent. However, Craig would not grow become violent against Kevin- an opponent he knows he cannot face-off against- but me. Craig is allowed to have multiple partners, his partners are not. Besides, what would telling Craig about last week's rendezvous with Kevin really do aside from hurt his pride and expose Kevin as questioning? I'm not involved with Kevin anymore either way.

Kevin and I broke up the night of the winter solstice dance during junior year. We had secretly been trying this "dating", courtship agreement to test our mutual hypothesis- if there was "something" between us. What was once nonverbal flirting of slight touches on the hallways, side glances during class lectures, and gentle waves in passing turned into secret makeout sessions in the locker room before dawn, late night drives on his motorcycle to the lake, skin slapping skin in the heat of passion on his king-sized bed. Things escalated in reasonable pace that my emotions couldn't slow down fast enough to ensure they were reciprocal on his end.

_"Get. Out."_

I still remember the cardiac palpitations his tone gave me. He looked serious, malicious even as his winter green eyes narrowed at my ocean blue. I paused, surely feeling like I misheard or misunderstood. I was mistakingly incorrect to assume such when he pulled out his lighter and began smoking in front of me. Knowing how much that bothered me, I felt him silently notorize his sentiments towards me...towards us. There was nothing left to say. I exited his car and he drove off.

Eddy didn't give me the lecture I was expecting, that I deserved. Instead, he surprisingly offered me his older brother's old jacket. Normally, I would be inquisitive as to when the last time it had been washed but I was freezing in just my sweater. Kevin's car had heat and I normally never wore anything thicker than a sweater or jacket when he drove his car and not his bike. We drove back to the cul-de-sac in silence before he pulled in my driveway. I sat motionless, silent as forgotten tears streamed down my face. I felt Eddy hold my hand, turning on the radio to make the moment less ominous.

Facing myself in the mirror, I cleaned my face and took three more of my pills with a handful of cold water. I just wanted to go home.

Closing Craig's bedroom door, I slinked downstairs to get another one of his popular parties. I was not only socialy awakward but socially inept and disliked being around large crowds of people. I checked my watch and saw it was only around midnight.

"There you are, Double Dork!" I heard him shout from across the room. He was in his living room, one hand around Paige and the other resting on his leg. He was surrounded by literally all his friends, the most popular of Peach Creek High- including Kevin. I watched Kevin and a few others turn slightly, us both making eye contact briefly before I moved past the crowd dancing and grinding in his dining room to make way to the loveseat.

"Hey Double D!" I heard Nazz greet warmly. She was the only person in the room that didn't make me feel the least bit uncomfortable. "I didn't know you were here."

"He was busy helping me a little earlier, if you catch my drift." Craig pulled me close to him, sealing with a wink. I blushed crimson as I tried to hide my face beneath my hat.

"C'mon, Craig!" One of the guys from the football team groaned. "TMI, dude."

"Speak for yourself, Charlie." Another interjected. "I'm all for hearing about Craig's exploits. I find this interesting. I mean, he's king!"

A few of them agreed in unison, Craig oozing with pride. "Thank you, Everett."

"Seriously, bro." Everett, continued. " I'm comfortable in my own sexuality to know I only like the box, but you get to explore both and the fact you are so open about it and non-apologetic is what I can get down with."

"So, like, are all three of you dating?" One of the pretty, blonde cheerleaders asked in between sips of her drink.

"No." He answered swiftly, bringing in me and Paige closer to him. "They both are dating me and know I am intimate with other people, including each other. However, they are both only loyal to me. I control them, satisfy their needs and in return, they worship me."

I was about ready to melt into the floor and disappear. There was more attention on us now as word of our controversial conversation spread throughout the party. All eyes, including Kevin's, were fixated on me, Paige, and Craig. I glanced at Kevin for a quick second to read his expression. It was emotionless, he sipping his German beer as his eye lids lingered lowly. He never redirected his burning gaze away from mine, I violently turning away.

"So, like, you are their boyfriend?"

"Something like that." Craig's voice went dangerously low. I shivered as I felt his hand grip the back of my neck. "Would you like me to demonstrate?"

Both Paige and I glanced at each other in silent fear of what would happen next, but neither of us speaking. I felt Kevin's gaze burn my skin as more eyes pried. Craig's hold tightened against my neck as I watched him do the same to Paige, whisperinf something into her ear before she slowly nodded dumbly. His eyes flashed with deviant mischief as he made his way towards me next.

"Kneel." He whispered. "When you do, I want you to do what you did upstairs."

My heart stopped momentarily, I pulling away almost thinking this was another one of his antics. Alas no, Craig was very...very much serious. I sat motionless, unsure how to proceed before he spoke again, this time with bass and authority.

"Kneel, Double D."

I glanced at Paige one last time before we both nodded towards each other, I following her lead as she was the first to kneel in front of Craig and begin working on his belt buckle. I heard the gasps and the camera shutters behind me, shakinfly aiming to ignore them as I assisted Paige in getting Craig "ready" for our show through the rough fabric of his denim jeans. We both kept our eyes locked on his, that Cheshire smile wide from ear to ear as he took small sips of liquor in between massaging the crowns of our heads.

"They relish off being humiliated, both of them searching for any ounce of emotional connection to satisfy a bottomless pit that hasn't been filled. I don't give a damn who hurt them and caused them to feel this way, I use it in my favor."

"You exploit them?" I heard Nazz whisper.

"Yes, and they get off on it for whatever reason." He looked down at us. "Lick."

I shut my thoughts off as I trained myself to do dozens of times as I felt the hear from my face match the fiery touch of Craig's loins and the wet kiss of Paige's lips. An eruption of sounds quaked behind me as the bright lights from being recorded clouded my vision. Normally it would have bothered me but I was numb to almost all feelings thanks to my newly increased prescription...except one.

_"Why do you let him treat you like that?"_

_I sat quietly, playing with the fasteners of his letterman jacket. I glanced at my watch, noting the time I had before I had to get back to my car. I was thankful I took a shower at Kevin's before be drove me back to the school to retrieve both my car I had left parked and Craig._

_"It's none of your concern, Kevin. " I whispered._

_"The hell it isn't." He forced me to look at him with a hand underneath my chin. He brought my crestfallen gaze with his fiery one, he mere inches from my lips. I watched as he began extinguishing his cigarette against the heel of his leather combat boots. "Jesus, Double D, what happened to you?!"_

_Something inside me broke. "You!" I pulled away, startling him. "You, Kevin, you!"_

_"Double D…"_

_"Just shut up for a second!" He grew stunned, not accustomed to hearing me raise my voice, let alone use such abrasive language with him. "You want to know what "happened" to me Barr, you did. You made me fall in love with you! You made me feel things I have never felt in my entire life, not even from my parents who are never even home or present in anything I do in my life. I only have a relationship with them through text message!"_

_I breathed. "You made me gelatinous material in your hands with a smoldering glance, feather-like embraces, and intricate patterns against the most secret parts of my body. You made me feel like I mattered to you only for you to literally toss me out into the street!"_

_I watched Kevin remain silent, mouth parted slightly as his gaze softened against my broken mask. I didn't know I started crying until I felt the salty aftertaste pierce the cracked seal of my lips. I bit them back, determined to finish. _

_"You eloquently tell me that "you aren't ready for this shit!" and somehow because we are both male that makes "THIS" any less valid! Then you screw Liza McCall in the front window of your bedroom KNOWINGLY AWARE my bedroom window is adjacent to yours after I tell you that I love you. So sue me if for the love of Jesus, Mary, and Joseph I want to feel like I matter for once, even if it's all for show and the sadistic pleasure of a toxic relationship with Craig!"_

_I felt my cheeks burn, my voice tremble, as my fingers etched deeper into my dry skin. Those forgotten tears were opened by my floodgate of emotions that I needed a few moments to wipe them away with the sleeves of his jacket. It grew eeriely silent until my cell rang. _

_I answered it by putting it on speaker, eyes still locked unto Kevin's. "Yes?"_

_"Where are you, Dork?" _

_I cleared my throat in a weak attempt to mask my shaken voice, beginning to remove his jacket. "East parking lot."_

_"Why the hell are you on the other side of campus? You know full well hockey practice lets out on the West side of campus!" He yelled. "For someone as smart as you, you are painfully dumb!"_

_"Sorry." I lied, rolling my eyes and shaking my head. I walked over to Kevin's bike, draping his jacket against handlebars in front of him. "I'll be there momentarily."_

_"Hurry up, dork. I want to stop off to get some food before you drop me off for a quickie at Paige's house tonight. Don't be late picking me up this time either!"_

_"Sure." He hung up. _


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter theme song: "Bad Kind of Butterflies" by Camilla Cabello

**Kevin**

_I know I said we were friends and when I said that I meant it_

"You're tense, babe."

I felt the feather-like kisses of my _girlfriend_ wash over me like a evening tidal wave. She was gently sprawled against my lap, the spaghetti straps of her dress laying against her waist as the pink lace of her strapless bra illuminated in the black light of Craig's basement. Tonight was his infamous annual Black Light party, the biggest party he throws every year for New Years. Literally anyone who is anyone in Peach Creek and the surrounding school districts were invited as it's the most gossiped function until the following year makes the previous year's scandals look like children's fairytales.

I watched her pull her dress over her head, revealing her painted skin in permanent ink and a diamond belly ring. She kissed me again. "You need to relax."

"I am." I lied.

She smiled. "You will be." She sucked my neck, hard like I like it before I closed my eyes. I allowed the bass from the speakers to vibrate my core, arousing me more than she was. I snapped them open, meeting her faux metallic green ones in a heated kiss. I felt her slowly unzip my jeans.

"I see someone is excited."

"Stop talking." I commanded, her hands brushing off my infamous red hat as she clawed my bare back underneath my shirt. I licked her collarbone, inhaling her feminine scent before a soft moan escaped her lips. I bit down roughly, enough to make her gasp out in the pain she relishes in.

_Erica_

There it was. We were getting close.

I was obviously a confused mess, as was she.

_"You must be a virgin." She sighed, mounting off me to sit on my bed spread. She reached on my nightstand, moving some of the stray condoms and bags of marijuana to grab a lone cigarette and my favorite lighter. _

_I propped myself on my elbows, watching her. "No, I'm not. Let me get some of that."_

_She turned to me, taking in another quick puff before handing it to me between two beautifully manicured nails. I inhaled, exhaling against my bedroom ceiling. I paused to listen to the sudden opening and closing of the front door. I heard my Mom's voice, laugh rather, and some indistinct response in an unknown male's voice. I rolled my eyes. _

_I handed the cigarette back to her. "Do I have to go?" She asked. I shook my head. _

_"No, my mom doesn't care if I have anyone over. As long as I stay out of trouble and keep my grades up enough to get accepted for a football scholarship, she lets me pretty much do what I want."_

_She nodded, impressed. "Nice." She inhaled again. "So, you find me unattractive or something?" _

_She handed it back to me. "No." I responded honestly. I left it at that. _

_There was a moment of silence before a knowing smile crept along her face. I raised a single brow, handing the cigarette back to her. She inhaled one last time before offering it back to me, I refused, she _

_extinguishing it against the metal tray on the nightstand. I watched her gaze linger over my athletically toned body, counting my abdominal muscles before mentally noting the definition in my thigh and calf muscles courtesy of a rigorous workout routine, healthy eating, and sponsored gym membership. _

_Her manicured hands brushed back over the opening of my boxer briefs, her nails tracing against the heart of my intimate core. I watched her intently, curious. _

_"Her name is Erica for me." She whispered in my ear, nibbling it gently. My heart skipped a beat, my attention fixated on her predatory gaze. "She's a college junior and my former neighbor of eight years. We played basketball together growing up and suddenly, I found myself attracted to her."_

_She paused, removing herself momentarily to turn off the lights. I watched her silhouette in the moonlight through my silk curtains, she removing her bra and panties with ease before resting atop of me in her natural glory. My hands glided against her sides, feeling familiar. _

_"Last year, she confessed she had a crush on me for years but never wanted to say because she was unsure of how I would react to a girl falling for another girl. At the time, I didn't really know or understand my feelings but knew being a "dyke" was something my family wouldn't take kindly to." _

_I watched her fingers gently trace the outline of my pectoral muscles, circling them slowly until the edges of her finger nails grazed my nipples. I let out a low moan. "I did the only thing I could think of and that was to tell her I didn't know what do with that information. I eventually began avoiding her as well. It ultimately made things awkward to where we rarely saw each other after that. Now, she transferred to Boston University and is engaged to some Latina model from Uruguay."_

_She leaned down to kiss me, this time I reciprocating it with tongue that got me lustful and warm. "You are my Erica for the night, if that's ok."_

_I eyed her, looking for deception for a short while and giving up when I felt none. I ran my fingers through her long, thick, black hair. Her curls were in loose, wave-like ringlets that cascaded down her back effortlessly. They reminded me of the loose waves of his hair the few times I felt it when I convinced him to take off his hat. _

_"Eddward." I spoke softly, leaning up to sitting position to bring her into a heated kiss. "You know him as Double D. The entire school does. Smart as a whip for a dork but awkward as hell."_

_She smiled, enjoying as I was now on top. "I've seen him. Isn't that Craig's boyfriend?"_

_"He was mine first." I growled lowly, nipping her ear, prying her legs open. "I was too dumb to admit my feelings for the double doofus and acted out of anger towards myself and took it out on him."_

_I pulled her by her ankles, bringing her closer to the edge of the bed as I grabbed a condom. "I still don't know what the hell I feel let alone my sexual orientation. You obviously turn me on but so does he and I don't love you, I love him." _

_I entered her roughly, she gasping in pleasure as her nails raked against my back. "So you two are having an affair?" She breathed, eyes locked on mine._

_"No." I pulled out, slamming back into her again. "I broke him and I hate myself for it."_

I pulled her hair from the single ponytail atop her hair, allowing those familiar curls to frame my face against her kiss. "Want to go back to your house?" She whispered.

I looked at her momentarily, looking around the room in slightly cloudy vision from the list of my sex. Semi-naked bodies were dancing all around us as a few fully-naked ones were next to us. The room smelled of weed, cinnamon, and musk. I finally looked back at her flushed face, nodding.

I gave her a few moments to retrieve the articles of clothing she shed onto the carpet before taking her hand and leading her through the crowd in the basement. The music was blaring and everyone fused into each other. I stopped by the kitchen to take another shot of whiskey, handing one off to her as well before we decided to head out. She playfully rubbed my-still firm- intimate core, licking her lips as her cheeks flushed pink.

I went in to kiss her before he and Craig caught my eye.

"Happy New Year, Kev!" He stopped, looking at his phone. "Well, almost."

"Thanks, Craig. Happy New Year, bro." I raised my shot glass, eyes locked to Double D's. I watched him blush slightly, diverting his gaze towards the floor as he began twiddling his thumbs.

"You headed out?"

"Yeah, me and Sherry are going to call it a night. It's getting wild down there, man."

He let out a boistorious laugh before taking a sip from one of the many forgetten red plastic cups on his kitchen island.

"What were you expecting? This is the party of the year."

I laughed in response. "All true, bro. But I still got to head out before mom gets too deep in my asshole. I'm driving too."

We went in for our signature handshake before he half-hugged me farewell and safe travels. "I'm headed out soon too. I have to make sure all my bitches see me tonight." He turned to Double D, snatching a small silver, metal loop on the black, leather collar he graced on his slender neck. "I'm headed out too. Show Kev and his girl to the coat room upstairs and give them their party gifts from out the closet."

Double D nodded silently, Craig grinning before bringing him into a rough kiss. I looked closer at the collar, it read: "Craig's Bitch".

"Good boy, D." He growled. His arms snaked around his waist, pulling him closer. I watched Double D let out a low help. "I'll be back by noon. Have this place cleaned by then and maybe I'll let you get off after you give me mine."

"Of course." He mumbled, still avoiding my gaze. "Safe travels, Craig."

Craig directed his attention to me and Sherry once more. "See you, Kev." He turned to Sherry. "Take care of my boy, Sher."

She giggled, sipping another drink in pure pleasure of this entertainment between the four of us. She found the fact that Craig didn't know about my past with Double D to be the highlight of this situation.

"Of course."

I watched Craig saunter off to grab his leather jacket and car keys before directed myself to Double D. He still avoided me like the plague and whispered something in the air that sounded like a command to follow him. He brushed past me and led us upstairs of Craig's parent's house, down a long corridor that was not lit in neon and blacklights and had an "OFF LIMITS" sign standing at the base of the hallway. I assumed this was where Craig's room, the guest room, and his parent's room were located.

Double D opened one of the doors to reveal a modestly decorated guest bedroom, mimicking the look and feel of a hotel room with crisp white linen sheets, neutral toned color schemes, minimal decor outside of two wall paintings of water-colored fruit bowls, and a flat screen television. He walked over to the large double door closet, pulling them out to scan for our coats.

"If you see yours, just grab it." He said lowly, rubbing his arm nervously.

Sherry looked up at my, then at Double D before smiling. "Thanks, Double D, but I think I left mine in Kevin's car." She lied.

"I'll just go grab it and wait for Kevin outside. " She giggled. I knew full well what she was doing.

Apparently Double D did as well, his intelligence not being easily insulted. "Then I can walk you to the car while Kevin retrieves his belongings and give you both your parting party favors."

"No need." She placed here gentle hands on his shoulders. He flinched slightly. "I don't need a party favor and I'm sure I speak for Kevin in that she doesn't need one either."

"Are you sure?"

She nodded, smiling. "I'll be outside, waiting in the car." She grinned, moving to snake her fingers inside my jeans pocket to retrieve my keys.

I didn't have to see her to know she closed the door behind her, leaving us iin the secluded guest bedroom to the soft sounds of our breathing and the faint hymns of the roaring music downstairs.

Double D did everything in his power not to look at me, even going as far as to begin straightening the already pristine room to ease his nerves. He finally spoke.

"I-I-I better get back downstairs." He whispered. "I need to ensure none of the party patrons break or mishandle any of Craig's valuables."

"Why?" I answered gruffly. I leaned against the door, folding my arms against my chest. "He treats you like shit and mishandles you all the time."

He face flushed crimson. "Excuse me, Kevin. I must really depart."

I pushed myself off the door, standing full height against Double D. I placed two gentle fingers underneath his chin to raise his eyes towards mine. He reluctantly followed and met my gaze with tear-glossed blues. I leaned forward, placing a small kiss against his temple.

"I hate seeing you like this." I whispered, almost inaudibly.

I felt a fresh tear dance to the bed of my finger tips. I kissed his lips this time. "I'm sorry, Double D."

He pushed me away. "I have to depart."

He made a dash towards the door, I stopping him by pulling him away by his arm and flinging him towards the bed.

"Kevin!" He writhed against my grip as I mounted him. "Cease this at once!"

"Why?" I whispered in his ear, waiting for him to calm down. "You don't do nearly this much resisting with Craig."

His eyes widened, his motions stilling. I met his glance. "Tell me, D, why don't you give this same energy to Craig? He's the one fucking abusing you." I barked.

"He can't hurt me nearly as much as you, Barr!" He snapped back, surprising me completely. "I can handle his domineering ways and verbal, physical, and sexual abuse. It's all surface level for me!"

He breathed, choking back tears. I loosened my grip against his wrists.

"You... you absused my emotions, my heart. I don't love Craig and never will. I loved you, Kevin!"

I watched him turn his head into one of the pillows, fully succumbing to the tears that he desperately tried not to show me. I fully released him, watching him curl into fetal position, sobbing. My heart clinched in pain, agony of watching the only person I loved suffer in silent pain because of me.

"Double D." I finally spoke. "I never meant to hurt you. I was confused."

He turned to face me, tears staining his cheeks. "You never meant to hurt me!?" He cracked out. "How convenient of you to have selective memory, Kevin."

"I never forced you to wear a goddamn dog collar in public or be video taped of you giving me head, Double D!"

"But you force yourself down my throat in front of your friends for your toxic pleasure! You wanted to be friends with the good ol' boys so badly you break me as tribute!" He shouted. I grew mute. "Or did you forget that part as well?"

_"You faggot fairy!" _

_Another kick to his back, further bruising his skin. I looked away, inhaling from the joint that was being passed around the group. _

_"Shove yourself down his throat and watch him enjoy that shit." I heard someone shout. _

_"Please." He begged. "Stop. I won't say anything."_

_"Yeah, we know." Taylor, one of the rookies on my team growled, inching towards Double D groveling on the dusty ground of the baseball field. "We will make sure of that."_

_"You like to suck guys off, Double Dork?"_

_"Please". He croaked. "Stop."_

_"Show us." Jason bellowed, earning chants and cheers from the guys. I felt my stomach churn in disgust. _

_"Yeah, let me see." I glanced over to see Taylor stick his crotch in Double D's face, a few of the guys forcing Double D to keep his head motionless against Taylor's roughness. I didn't like seeing this at all. _

_"Yo!" I shouted, earning all their attention. "Ley off the pussy, man."_

_"We just want to see, Kev." Jason crooned, earning joint agreement. I sighed. _

_"Let me do it." I flicked the joint on the ground, kicking lose sand in the base. "Bring the dork here."_

_That earned an eruption of cheers and applause, the shock of Eddward as he locked eyes with mine. In my head, I convinced myself I was doing him a favor by making him do that to me instead of anyone else. However, I knew it was no better. I still was a coward. _

I did what my mind told me and brought Double D in for a violent kiss. To my surprise, he didn't pull away and returned it with fresh tears seeping down his flished face. I pushed him back, deep into the soft mass of pillows against the headboard. His fingers intertwined with mine as our kiss deepened, becoming more needy.

He was the first to pull away. "Stop."

"I can't." I whispered against his cheeks. He began nibbling on those three platinum studs in my ear that were always his favorite. "I'm sorry."

I was overcome with this intense need to make Double D understand how sorry I was. I needed him to know I never would hurt him again if he gave me the chance to prove it.

"Stop." He spoke again, fighting more tears as my hands found that secret spot at the arch of his lower back. "Kevin!"

I swallowed his cries, finding my fingers unbuckling his pants and yanking them and his briefs towards the floor. His hands began to shakily undo mine as well, I assisting him in pulling me out for him to stroke gently.

He moaned into another passionate kiss, spreading his legs as I used our precum to lube his tight entrance. I never made love to Double D before. We have raw, ravenous sex that served as an outlet for my confused sexual and physical desires. He asked me once before why we never went slow and took our time.

_"That's for couples in love, dork. What the hell do we look like doing shit like that?"_

I remember his expression when I responded and how he never asked again after that. I didn't realize how naive I was for saying those things.

"Ask me again, Eddward." I breathed into his ear. I inserted a single finger to prepare him. He jolted in pleasure.

"A-Ask w-what?" He moaned. Arching his back as I found that spot. He began salivating, eyes filled with lust and want.

"Why we never made love." I inserted another finger, doing a scissoring motion that always drove him to the brink of maddnes.

"Why…. didn't w-w-we ev-ver make l-l-love?" He managed to whisper. I began stroking him, wanting to make him feel good. I needed to make him feel good.

I removed my fingers and gave them a lick. His eyes bulged wide as he covered his face with that damn hat. I yanked it away much to his objection and tossed it against that forgotten coat closet. I felt those curls.

I placed myself at his entrance, gently easing myself inside for the first time in over a year. I silently swore, gripping the headboard as he gripped my shoulders. I could have came instantly with the overwhelming tightness his body gave me with a squeeze. We stilled for a few moments, I peppering his tear-stained eyes and cheeks with kisses.

He gave me this feminine mewl to let me know he was ready, licking my chin he knows I like. Just his sounds alone could make me orgasm. I sucked his neck, pulling out slowly.

"I wasn't ready to admit my feelings for you." I whispered. "I couldn't make love to you if I wasnt sure I was in love with you."

He stared at me, that adorable gap showing through his parted lips as he moaned with each soft thrust.

"Now I can."


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter theme song: "What You Need" by The Weekend

**Double D**

Craig was uncharacteristically aggressive last night. He normally was relatively gentle after awhile but found himself in this drunken rage after stumbling to my door at three in the morning. Luckily I was up late studying when I heard banging on my front door. I grew startled and thought it might have been a burglar but remembered the neighborhood we were in and the simple fact, burglars don't knock.

I winced at the touch of the cool metal chair as it touched my bottom. I sighed, taking a sip of my iced coffee. I watched Paige, Aaron, and Kelsey follow me, taking seats next to and making casual conversation. Today was our "group date" with Craig and he decided to take us for coffee and ice-skating. I personally didn't have any emotional sentiments to the idea of being on a date with all of Craig's exploits, but I did enjoy being able to spend time with him...just alone. Call it Stockholm Syndrome but I'm dreading the idea that I am possibly getting romantically attached.

"Pass the sugar, Double D?" Kelsey spoke with a wide smile. I returned it back to her along with a few packets of cane sugar. My attention went back on Craig, at the register finishing payment for all the beverages.

He was wearing the camel colored wool trench coat I gifted him for Christmas along with the grey hat I thought would accompany it well. Lately, I have been noticing he donned more and more of the things I have and would gift him. He even began taking me on romantic excursions, solo, more frequently. It definitely didn't go unnoticed by everyone else. Initially it was relatively odd seeing as he never displayed such behaviors prior to the New Year. I then attributed his unorthodox behaviors to the pending holiday of Valentine's Day. To no avail, no true motive or underlying factor has revealed itself to me in the uncharacteristic behavior.

Strange.

"Sit next to me, baby." I heard Aaron croon. He sucked his straw like it was a phallic object, sealing with a wink.

Craig went over and kissed him on his temple. "I actually need to talk to Double D for a minute." He sat down in front of me. "Give us a few."

Everyone shot either a stony or curious glance my direction before complying to Craig's request. I watched them step outside on the coffee shop's terrace, taking seats at the metal table underneath the large, brightly lit awning. Craig turned around to verify they weren't in earshot before directing his attention to me.

"They make your coffee alright?"

I nodded, a little nervous. "Yes, thank you. Would you like to try it?"

"Not a vanilla fan but thanks." He leaned in closer, inches from my lips. "I'll taste it later though on your lips."

I blushed, diverting my gaze to my gloved fingers against my plastic cup. I took another sip of my drink. "Is everything symbiotic?"

He chuckled, biting into a cherry muffin. "Yes, Eddward, everything between us is fine. I just wanted to talk to you about something."

I forgot Craig actually understood me most of the time. I'm often required to "dumb myself down" in the company of others or explain every other sentence like an online translator. Not with Craig. Craig, despite his brash personality, aggressive behavior, and toxic alpha male traits, he was unfathomably intelligent. He secretly was interested in physics and chemistry, much like I was. I was uncertain as to why he wouldn't be proud of his interests and intelligence, but with his profound popularity as being one of the "cool, edgy guys", I'm more than confident that was a primary motive.

He looked into my eyes, grabbing one of my hands surprisingly gentle. "Double D, I been meaning to ask you this for a few weeks now."

I stopped sipping my coffee beverage to listen fully.

"I noticed the day after my New Year's Eve party to be totally honest." He chuckled. "I just didn't know how to say anything."

"What do you mean?"

There was a pregnant pause. "You sleeping around with Kevin."

I choked on my coffee, eyes widening in terror. I felt myself flinch at the touch of his hand on my chin, guiding my gaze to his. I was waiting for him to strike. He gave a sly smirk, brows cocked. I swallowed hard, trying to formulate my thoughts cohesively.

"You thought I didn't know?" He went on. "I've known for awhile now, actually. I been trying to find the best time to let you know I knew."

My mouth went dry, I suddenly unable to breathe. "Craig…."

He cut me off with a single raised hand. "I'm not upset, Dork." He bit into his muffin. "But I'm a little confused."

My heart still pounded against my chest, I finally finding the strength to swallow. This couldn't be happening. Craig wasn't exactly violent but he was profoundly physically aggressive when provoked and implemented his authorization regime with brute strength and fear. There was absolutely no explanation I could muster to explain his abnormal behavior.

He waited for me to physically calm down, grinning my hands softly as a form of reassurance. I was waiting for the other metaphorical shoe to drop but it never did. There were no blows to my face, no verbal assaults, nothing. It was strange.

"We were secretly dating a year ago." I finally responded in a meek whisper. I turned away from his prying eyes. "He was confused so we broke things off."

He let out a satisfied grunt before returning back to his muffin. "I can see that." He agreed. "Kevin is as alpha male as they come. I never would have pegged him to gay."

I felt those burning, questioning eyes dig into my skin through my jacket. I pulled my beanie down further to shield my face.

"H-He isn't sure...about being….gay."

"So bi-sexual?"

"I don't know." I whispered. "But it's leaning that way."

"And what sparked you both to reignite that forbidden flame?" He paused. "I am sure you two didn't just sleep together the night of my party."

I shook my head in response. "Just once more after." I admitted, uncharacteristically ashamed.

He smiled wider. "I think I can pinpoint the night you did. You were hornier than usual, even with me ." I looked up at him, somewhat alarmed.

_"K-K-Kevin…" I moaned his name like a love song. I ran my fingers underneath his beloved red hat and through his ginger hair, loving the way he purred against my skin. I could get used to this... sexually exploratory Kevin._

_I watched his head move up and down, taking my length in it's entirety only to remove it. I felt myself near, gripping his scalp tighter as I subconsciously, manually fastened his oral stimulation. He did that thing with his tongue I like and it sent me over the edge. _

_I called him name to the high heavens and the music that echoed throughout his truck. The melodic chorus massaged my inner thoughts. This time, he swallowed._

_**He's what you want... I'm what you need**_

_I felt Kevin's firm, masculine grip tighten against my sweater, my eyes fluttering open as he brought me into a lustful kiss. I soon found myself switching places with Kevin, straddling his lap in the backseat of his Ford while I trailed kisses against his neck and exposed chest. I kissed the dainty gold chained cross that laid gently against his heart, next to the newest addition to his collection of permanent artistic ink. _

_**Eddward**_

_I was confused as to why he had taken me to the tattoo shop earlier that evening. He texted me before my last period ended, telling me that he was leaving football practice early to run some errands. He invited me to tag along and I didn't think it would look suspicious since we were spring semester lab partners for chemistry. _

_I had began forming a "friendship" with Kevin that was immediately noticed by Peach Creek. What he was truly attempting was to reconcile our differences and become lovers once again. Over winter break, Kevin messaged me daily- even when I wouldn't warrant a response. He sent apology poems from great poets like Frost, Emerson, and Levy. He had flowers of every color delivered to my door. He even sent my best friends, Ed and Eddy, gifts like Ed a year's subscription of Buttered toast from around the world and Eddy tickets to the classic automobile convention in Detroit later this year._

_It touched me that he was truly ammending his behavior to portray a new, improved perspective of his character. I figured it wouldn't be harmful to accompany him on some errands. I was taken aback when we stepped foot into a tattoo parlor, him fully aware of my phobias and issues with bodily fluids, germs, bacteria, and….sorts. He found my squeamish and heightened disposition to be quite humorous- even some of the tattoo artists laughing alongside him at my expense. I was ready to give them a fully cited lecture on the harmful effects of being exposed to bloodborne pathogens when I saw Kevin strip off his jacket and shirt to allow one of the artists to place a stencil of MY name against his left chest muscle. _

_I immediately grew silent, him proudly smirking as for one of the first times in my life, I was at a loss for words. _

_"I love you." I heard him whisper. I met his Hunter green eyes, slowly bringing him in for another kiss. _

_"I never stopped loving you." I honestly replied. _

_I felt his firm, vice grip tighten against my waist as he lifted me against the growing bulge in his jeans. I began unbuckling his pants to ease the strain, my eyes not unlocking from his. He lifted me again, this time placing the tip of his cast iron rod against my entrance. I felt myself gently welcome him to the hilt, clenching the sides of his shirt while careful not to scratch his chest. _

"Do you love him?"

Craig's voice brought me from my thoughts. I nodded. "I always have." I whispered.

Silence. "Do you love me?"

I met his eyes, searching for any source of a reading to what he was truly thinking. I looked back down at my now watered down iced-coffee.

"I'm developing unexpected and unanticipated feelings for you, yes."

Another grunt. "Dork, you are in a predicament here."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, you have two guys that want you." He stopped. "And you can only have one."

Craig's eyes had a glint of mischief in them. "I mean, you have turned into something I didn't expect. I was just expecting to get a few rocks off with you and some free homework assignments. I didn't expect to develop feelings."

I let out a nervous laugh, becoming slightly overwhelmed. Did I just hear Craig was falling for me? He continued on.

"You know I'm a sadist bastard and for whatever reason, the masochist inside you allows it." He paused. "So I upped the ante."

I looked at him, confused. "What does that refer to exactly."

Before he could adequately respond, my ears perked at that familiar, husky voice that made my body quiver. I turned at the speed of lightning to see Kevin, Sherry, and a few of his jock friends walk into the coffee shop, laughing about the latest comedy film they just saw at the theater. I felt my heart sink into the floor, my mind go blank as I slowly redirected my attention to Craig. He let out this low, villainous chuckle. It suddenly clicked.

"Y-You knew h-h-he would be here?"

He nodded. "You obviously aren't suceptible to my physical and mental torture; being too smart for your own good has worked in your favor." He smiled. "I'd like to see how you handle what I have next."

"Craig, please." I murmured, sinking further and further into my chair to avoid being seen.

He cocked his brow. "You forgot who you belong to, Dork."

"Craig…" I gulped. I didn't like the look in his eyes. "I'm sorry. I vow to amend the trust that has been broken."

He ignored me, smiling, waving, and calling attention to the group. I saw Kevin and his friends turn from my peripheral and almost fainted.

"Sup, Craig!" I heard Jason bellow. "You with your crew today?"

Craig stood, walking over to greet everyone. He shrugged, glancing back at the others on the terrace, then at me. "I have to keep my bitches happy."

Everett chuckled. "Man, I don't see how you do it. I can barely keep one girlfriend, let alone multiple."

"Funny you mention that." He shot me a sly smile. "I was just talking to Double Dork over there about that. Seems like someone else has gotten his affection."

I watched Jason, Everett, and a few other guys whose names escape me release these surprised, childish noises- an effort to instigate the matter no doubt. Sherry took a small glance between Kevin and I knowingly. Kevin glanced my direction but remained unphased.

Craig let out a dramatic sigh. "It's true, someone has stolen the attention of my Double D." He stopped, turning to face me. "Seems like he has forgotten who he belongs to."

I was officially terrified and slumped lower in my chair. This couldn't be happening.

"Double D." He called from across the room. "Come here. Come say hello."

I pinched the bridge of my nose, closing my eyes to inhale in order to calm my nerves. This was growing exceedingly overwhelming. I should have known this wouldn't be as easy as he led on. I took another sip of coffee for good measure to calm my nerves.

"Don't be shy, Double D." I heard him yell louder. "I'm proud to show you off to the world as my fuck toy. Is the person you are sleeping around with when you aren't being gagged by me able to do the same?"

That did it. I choked on beverage, hearing the room erupt in gasps and chaos. I watched Everett, Jason, and the other nameless gentlemen lose their minds as Sherry's mouth stood agape. I watched Kevin snicker, eyes locked unto Craig's with a ferocious flame I have never seen ignited before.

"Damn, dude. Chill out, bro." He finally spoke.

"I have to remind him who he belongs to." Craig grinned, looking Kevin up and down. "Afterall, I did catch him fucking in my guest room on camera. How fucking disrespectful."

Kevin's face fell stern, the echoes of the room falling flat. "I would hate to let people know how disrespectful my whore can really be."

"He boned some guy in your guest room, man!?" Jason asked, completely enjoying this "shit show".

Craig nodded, attention not ever off Kevin. "Yes. Why would I NOT have cameras in my house when I am throwing a party for two hundred people?"

"Damn, dude! Even the dork is a two-timing slut."

Craig shrugged. "That's not even the worst part. It's someone I know **very** well. If they wanted to step up and take Double D from me." He paused, narrowing his eyes at Kevin. "They most definitely would be a contender."

I felt the room lose its color. I could feel the beat of my heart bang the beds of my ears. This could not be happening.

"Anyway, it's obvious the person that defiled my dork is ashamed of him. I just need Double D to realize that first hand."

There was a momentary spell of silence, Craig turning on his heel to look me square in the eye.

"It's a shame that as intelligent as Double D is, he is unable to decipher when he is being used as a cum rag. It's evident thatqperson has no intention on him being anything to them but a hot mouth to get off in."

I watched in total shock, waiting for this ordeal to be over as quickly as it started. I

kept looking around me, noting all attention was on this clown circus. My hands were sweating through my gloves as I became increasingly warm. I had to remind myself to breath, inhale, exhale and counting to three between every breath that way my therapist once taught me.

I had hoped Kevin would say something, this being the golden opportunity he had been waiting on to show me just how much I meant to him. He professed he was no longer afraid, no longer willing to hide in plain sight his love for me. He wanted to be more transparent about his identity, his seuxality because as he colloquially recited: "Fuck an opinion."

I was ready for him to finally show me that yes, he was truly a changed man and could give himself unabashedly to me...to us. But... nothing came.

Once again, disappointment and heartbreak. The poems, the tattoo, the secret texts, the forbidden rendezvous, the passion we shared. It was once again a farce and I had fallen for it.

"Craig." Sherry's voice broke through the thick silence. "That's enough."

Checkmate. He won.

His eyes stayed unto mine, his grin widening. "I guess it is."

Craig turned to Kevin, a wicked grin plastered on his face. "Well, I have to get back to my bitches. Now that Double D is reminded of who owns him, we'll head out." He slapped Kevin on the shoulder with a hearty laugh. "See you guys Monday."

I don't know when I started crying but I suddenly felt hot tears stream down my face. I attempted to force them back, grinding my back teeth as I clenched my fists. I watched Craig saunter over as the coffee shop went into a low whisper, the others coming back in from the terrace. He stood directly in front of me, leaning over to whisper in my ear.

"Who do you belong to, Eddward?"

"You." I weakly choked out.

I felt his index finger slink around the metal loop of the collar he made me wear. He brought me into a forceful kiss.

"Don't forget your place, Dork." He violently growled, yanking the collar abruptly. "Now kneel."

I numbly obliged, not caring that we had a full audience. He took out a silver chained leash, hooking it unto the metal loop of my collar. Those forgotten tears fell harder, hitting the tips of Craig's fingers.

"Sir, this is a public establishment!" An elderly woman shouted. "I'm calling the police!"

"I apologize, madame." He lied, sarcasm thickly laced in his voice. "I'll take my bitches elsewhere now."

I felt Kelsey's hand rest stop my shoulder but I violently pulled away from her. She began saying something before Craig told her to give me a moment, taking her lukewarm latte and having a sip.

I watched Kevin look at me but I turned away. Still he remained silent, typical.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter theme song: "Broke Us" by Ciara Ramirez ft. Trevor Jackson

**Kevin **

_Is there any coming back from this fuck up?_

_I think I broke us._

_"Release me!" He screamed. I never heard him so frantic in my life._

_"Double D, please, just listen!"_

_"I'm done listening!" He shrieked. He stopped fighting me, suddenly going limp against my muscular frame. I felt him begin sobbing into my chest. "I can't do this anymore."_

_I desperately held his face between my palms, kissing him with everything I had. I have never seen him like this. I was scared. _

_"Please, I need more time."_

_"You came to me, Kevin." He sobbed. "You chased me."_

_"I know." I croaked. I felt him slipping from my grasp. "It was so much going on, D. What did you want me to do?"_

_"Defend me!" He shouted, more tears. "Speak up for me like you say you would!"_

_"It's not so simple, D."_

_"It's not simple because you aren't ready to see what will happen if your "friends" find out you perform fellatio." He hissed with venom. "Or maybe that you like to engage in sodomy?"_

_I snapped, roughly grabbing his shoulders to press him further into the bed. He normally would have made a squeak or some feminine shrilly noise. Instead he kept his eyes molded with mine, face in rage as if he liked seeing me crack._

_"Shut up!"_

_"Go to hell!" He screamed, the tears continuously rolling like tidal waves down his cheek. _

_"Craig is abusing you!" My anger flared up again. I released him, storming off my bed to rest upon the ledge of my window. I didn't know what to do with how I was feeling. I needed to smoke. _

_"And you like that shit for some reason."_

_"It's easier to deal with than you and your fluctuating emotions." He snapped quietly. _

_There was silence, our heavy breathing echoing throughout my bedroom. We both took a moment simmer our emotions before either of us spoke. _

_"I need a sec to chill out. " I ran my hand through my hair, tossing my red hat on my computer desk._

_"It's your house." He whispered. "One minute you are out the closet, next you aren't. Pick a side because I'm tired."_

_I silently moved to the glass table in the middle of my room, taking a seat on the couch that faced the enormous flat screen that mounted my bare wall. I began rolling to the faint sniffles of my beloved and the soft sounds of the television downstairs. I almost forgot Craig was here. I rolled my eyes. I needed something strong. _

_There was a long spell of silence for a short while. I thought Double D had fallen asleep until I looked over to see his glossy eyes staring at me, his body curled against my body pillow. His curls were free. I returned my glare back at the ceiling, inhaling another round and feeling that familiar tingly sensation. Double D hated when I smoked, especially tobacco. He was slightly more tolerant of marijuana. However, I didn't give a damn if he hated it. I needed it, badly. _

_There was a small knock on my door, it creaking open to reveal the devil himself. _

_"Everything alright in here?" Craig spoke. "It's been dead silent for a half hour."_

_I rolled my eyes again, inhaling again. "Yeah."_

_"Care to share?"_

_I shot him a stony glance in response. He took a step back. "Just take him and go."_

_"Look, Kev, I hope there aren't any hard feelings." He chuckled. "I'll let you get off with him one last time if that would count as a peace offering."_

_"Get out, Craig." _

_He chuckled again. He was enjoying this way too much. "Suit yourself. You know, if you wanted to share this little slut, that's all you had to say. I wasn't aware you were... exploring; at least that's what I'm told."_

_I was growing more and more frustrated. His arrogance was ruining my high. "Fuck off, Craig."_

_There goes that chuckle again. I was close to knocking him in his throat. "Let's go, Dork."_

_I didn't look at Double D, but I heard him lazily shuffle out my bed, putting on his boots and beanie. My attention was fixated on this goddamn ceiling. _

_"I hope this settles any tension between us, Kevin. So, I'll see you Saturday at my Black Jack and Lace Panties Party?"_

_I groaned loudly. "Get. Out. Craig." _

_He laughed this time. "It starts at 7. Our friend here will be serving appetizers until 9 in this lace number I ordered online. Come by early if you want a look."_

_I watched them from my peripheral, hearing them slowly descend down the stairs and close the door softly moments later. For the first time in over a year, I let those masked emotions unhinge. I don't know when they started but I noticed the tears began to flow freely. _

_I broke us. _

"Kev is here!" I heard the guys roar out, a few jumping up to greet me. Craig was sipping a beer next to one of his male lovers, smirking.

"Sup Kev!" He greeted. "Glad you could make it."

I nodded in his direction, pulling off my letterman jacket and draping it over one of the many chairs. The party was in full swing and even though it was close to midnight, it didn't look like I missed anything.

"Want anything? Drink? Weed? Ass?" The last one earned a chuckle from the group, a few of the women surrounding us beginning to swarm me and fondle my chest. "I invited a few extra ladies for the festivities. Don't worry, everything is consensual and there is plenty of protection to go around."

"Craig throws THEE BEST parties." Jason spoke. He was getting a lap dance by one of the sophomores from Cherry Creek. "I'm going to miss this once we head off to college in a few months."

There was a communal agreement. I took a moment to scan the room, looking for someone in particular. I noticed there were more people than normal at this party and with it being one of the last ones he would be able to throw before graduation, it made sense. I recently was accepted into Berkeley and USC for football. I haven't decided which school I was attending in the fall yet but I was already being paraded like a show dog on ESPN about the upcoming season.

I was growing into a local celebrity. I should have enjoyed it but it felt empty. My mom was pretty stoked about all the free shit I was getting and contracts for sponsoring anything from sports drinks to athletic wear. The money paid damn good too, but those smiles I donned in all the pictures with my admirers and fans were fake.

I had one thing to make right before I could go in peace- whether it be solo or with that special someone else.

"You looking for someone, Mr. Hot Shot?" One of the girls crooned. "I'm right here." She began to nibble on my neck, her freshly manicured nails gliding down my chest. She caught glimpse of my tattoos, one in particular.

"Whose "Eddward" baby?" she spoke in between kisses on my collar bone.

I was growing bored of this fake arousal and gently pushed her off me. "Not you." I replied icily. She flipped me off and stomped off to the kitchen at the expense of a few laughs from the group.

"Latinas not your speed, Kev?" Morgan, the prospective rookie that was expected to take my place as captian next year, asked.

"She's alright. She wanted to know about this "Eddward" tattoo on my chest and that irritated the hell out of me."

That caught Craig's full attention. "Tattoo?"

I smirked, nodding. I cracked open a beer on the edge of the table. "Yep."

Craig leaned forward, very interested. He enjoyed playing mind games and testing limits. I'd figured I'd join in. "Interesting." He cleared his throat. "I wasn't aware you had a new addition to your collection."

I shrugged, narrowing my eyes back at him. "Wasn't for you. It was for Double D."

He was caught off guard, mouth parting slightly. The tension between us definitely didn't go unnoticed and caused our group to direct all attention on our conversation. It was no turning back now.

"Come again?"

I took another swig of my beer. "You aren't deaf. You heard me the first time."

"Wow, your balls finally dropped." He gave a sarcastic slow clap. "Cheers."

"You wouldn't know." Another sip. "You have your boy's in your mouth too long to fully notice."

"Did you mean Double D's?" He scoffed. "Hilarious you mention that since you were in a similar position a few months ago."

The air bristled. I cut my attention back to scanning the room, looking for a familiar beanie. Normally Craig had him in some derogatory outfit doing odd jobs for his infamous parties.

"Wait." Morgan broke the confused, awkward silence. "Is Kevin gay too?"

"I second that question because I'm mad confused, bro." Jason spoke.

I finally caught sight of who I came to see, excusing myself away from the prying eyes and towards the kitchen.

I watched him pour himself some punch, sipping quietly as he maneuvered himself into a corner by the fridge. He began cutting something with his free hand, putting what looked like cheese into his mouth. He was dressed in provocative French maid outfit with that stupid dog collar around his neck. He caught glimpse of me, eyes widening as he clenched his red plastic cup a little tighter.

"May I get you a beverage, Mr. Barr?" He addressed me as I entered the crowded kitchen. He kept his gaze on the serving counter, avoiding looking directly at me. "I can recite the options we have should you like."

I felt my palms begin to sweat, my heart racing as I took deep breaths. It was no turning back. I needed to do this. This was my last shot.

"Kevin?" He spoke softly, finally looking at me slightly. "Are you ok?"

I ignored him, snatching him by the collar to bring him into a fiery kiss. He pulled away almost immediately.

"What are you doing?!" He spoke in between breaths. "Are you drunk?"

"No." It was my only reply before I snatched him again. His hands laid gently against my chest this time, my arms wrapped around his petite waist. He relaxed against me as he fused further into my embrace. His face was flushed pink as his eyes were wide and beautiful. I leaned down again, kissing him softly at first and then with hunger and need.

To my surprise, he returned it. He began moaning into the kiss, clawing softly at my shirt as the growing erection in his dress massaged my pant leg. I let out a carnal growl, wanting nothing more than to make him cum.

There were loud gasps and a loud "Oh My God!" as we took center stage of the party. I knew I was late, for everything, but I was finally ready. I just needed to show him how ready I was to commit to him, to us.

"Well, I'll be damned." Craig's voice broke us apart. "What do we have here?"

Double D pulled away, clutching his hat as he began hyperventilating. Craig smugly sipped his drink, winking at me. "So, you wanted one last joyride with my pony, Mr. Hot Shot?" He intentionally grew louder. "Was fucking him in my guest room on New Year's not enough for you?"

I watched Jason, Everett, and Morgan choke on their drinks, faces astounded. The realization of it all was hitting them.

"No, I figured you had enough fun with him these last few months. Thought I take him off your hands permanently."

"Is that so?"

"Unless you want to do anything about it."

There were hushed tones, eyes diverting between Craig and I to see what would happen next. Craig was an asshole, no doubt about it, but he wasn't stupid. He knew a fist fight wouldn't even scathe me. I would and could easily kick his ass.

His arrogant smirk was plastered across his face, he matching me for every beat. He took another sip of his beer.

"Take the little slut, he'll be back anyway."

I grabbed Double D by his arm, moving through the parting sea of people as we made our way through the kitchen. He kept his eyes covered with his beanie as I pulled him through the mass of people. I grabbed my jacket on the chair out in the living room, wrapping it around the semi-nude dork before pulling him outside to my awaiting motorcycle.

I gently shoved a helmet his direction. "Put this on." I mounted my bike, increasingly aware of the growing audience filling Craig's front yard. "Hurry up."

He obeyed.

I felt him finally get on behind me, wrapping his arms around my waist with a tight squeeze. I roared the engine to life and raced like a bat out of hell towards the expressway. I had no idea where we were going but I needed to make this right. Regardless of how tonight ended, I needed him to know I loved him.

_"I'm Bi-sexual." I whispered, staring at the pasta I ordered. I took my mom and her boyfriend to some ritzy, swanky place downtown to celebrate my contract with a major sports drink company amongst other heavy hitters. _

_We had just left the press conference where me and a few other star athletes projected to demolish national records were invited to meet press, shake hands, and earn sponsors. I walked away with quite a few sponsors and that meant large checks and free shit. _

_She sipped her wine, smiling. Her boyfriend, Larry, squeezed her hand with a kiss to her cheek. I was confused. _

_"Honey." She reached for my hand, pausing me from twirling the angel hair pasta aimlessly. "I am so happy you told me. I was praying you would come out to me. I have known for awhile now."_

_I pulled away, stunned. "How?"_

_"Your little friend, Eddward." She smiled warmly. "His mother is never home but she came to town a few months ago to check on him while she was here for a research conference. I ran into her in the supermarket and she told me how highly he spoke of you to her."_

_I remained quiet, intently listening. _

_"I then put two and two together to realize that he was more than just your "study partner" by the amount of time you spent together." She paused, giggling. "And also how you looked at him or how your face flushed whenever he got close to you."_

_I cringed with embarrassment, my mother and Larry laughing at my expense. I didn't know my mom had noticed all that, let alone Double D even spoke about us to his mom. He never brings his parents up and rarely says anything about what they talk about in the phone or during their web chats. _

_"Honey." She tilted my chin to meet her loving gaze. "Thank you for telling me. I was afraid we weren't as close anymore. You been so distant lately."_

_"Sorry, mom. " I mumbled. "Been going through some shi-...I mean stuff. I needed space to figure it all out."_

_She nodded in agreement. "I can understand, but don't forget your mother. I love you, Kevin. I only want your happiness, whomever that may come from."_

I pushed him into my bed, mounting him into a passionate, fierce kiss. He moaned into my mouth, hands roaming wild as he yanked and tugged on shirt. I quickly have into him, removing and tossing it into a nearby corner.

"W-What was th-hat back there?" He breathed, pulling away to look at me. I began attacking his neck.

"I'm ready." He spoke into the light bite and lust markings I was leaving on his skin. "I'm ready for you."

He pushed me away gently, his expression changing. "So…it's expected that I give in so easily, Kevin?"

I sighed, groaning as I felt my erection begin to soften. "Double D, can we talk about this afterwards."

I made a move to slink off that dress he was wearing but he slapped my hand away. "So, you needed over a year to figure out if you loved me enough to risk your image and popularity?"

"No, that's not what I said, D." I was growing angry. I thought he would have been ecstatic that I was finally able to confess. It's all he had been asking me for since we knew there was something more between us.

I had been a fucking confused mess trying to figure out why I liked a guy, Double D of all people. I had fought myself tooth and nail to ignore the pressure and feelings that overwhelmed me. I began to think I was going bat shit crazy.

He sat up, regaining his breath and composure. "You thought telling me now would ammend all the damage done, Kevin?"

"Hell no!" I shouted, getting up to pace my room. "Damm D, why did you have to go fuck up the mood."

He snapped.

"Fuck you, Kevin Barr!" He screamed. I felt my mouth drop. I had never heard Double D drop a bomb like that before.

"You broke us! You broke me!" He sobbed out into his hand. I watched as he clutched his chest. "Do you know what I been through these last few months because you decided being in a homosexual relationship didn't really appeal to you at your stage of development?"

"D, listen…"

"No!" He screamed again, this time pushing himself off the bed and bolting towards the door. "You don't get to use me like a toy when it's at your convenience."

"But Craig can!?" My anger finally boiling over. I pinned him to my door frame, nostrals flaring as my breathing intensified. "What kind of shit is that!?"

"He can't hurt me without my permission!" More tears fell down his cheeks. "You can't just decide when I'm convenient for you."

I couldn't control myself anymore. I pressed my lips against his, tearing his cheaply constructed costume with minimal effort. He yelled out in protest, moaned in pleasure as his erection grew against my stomach. I deepened our embrace, becoming more desperate than before to make him understand.

_Is there any coming back from this fuck up?_

_Are you over it? _

_Over me?_

_Over us?_

I propped him against the door frame with a loud bang, lifting his legs to wrap them around my waist. We went bareback once for Valentine's Day but never again because his phobia of germs and his lame deal with bodily fluids. This was going to have to be an exception.

"Kevin!" He moaned loudly, throwing his head back in euphoria.

"I'm sorry." I hissed into his neck, probing him with my fingers as I stroked his cock. "I wish I could take it all back."

"I trusted you!" He sobbed out with a shudder, eyes shut as his hands clawed my shoulders. He came against my chest. I watched his body spasm as I used his seed for lube. I pressed myself fully into him, earning the most orgasmic sound he could mutter.

"I know." I whispered. I began thrusting gently. In. Out. He started bucking against me, matching my thrust for each beat. "I won't let you down again."

My speed grew faster, the door beneath us knocking loud. I heard my mom and Larry enter downstairs through the backdoor of our kitchen but I didn't give a damn. This was my last shot. I needed Double D. I craved him.

"K-K-Kev-v-innn!" He stuttered, bracing himself against me as my pounded against his sweet spot. The door was now rattling and I was fearful it would come off the hinges from the force.

Double D arched his back, crying out sweetly as he began stroking himself erratically.

"Don't give up on us."

He looked at me, eyes glassy from lust. "I have f-f-feelings for C-Craig."

I braced one hand on the door, one hand gripping the dip of his lean waist. I went harder, faster, feeling his slick, wet heat bring me closer to release. "Dont give up on us." I repeated.

"I need time."

More moans, louder this time. "How much?"

"I don't know." He gasped. "I time to think."

Harder, faster.

The wet, sloppy sounds of skin hitting skin against the vibrations of the quivering door echoed against the cries of my beloved. His face was flushed velvet, knuckles pale as his body glistened with sweat. We have never been this rough before but he seemed to relish in it. I was almost close.

I brought him in for a kiss, he greedily returning it. "Do you want space?"

He weakly nodded, his eyes never leaving mine as his moans increased in volume.

"I need to think." He mewled, licking my chin into a nasty, sultry kiss. "Please."

"Ok." I felt defeated, but knew it wasn't much I could do. Double D had every right to want and need space from me. But I still had this moment and I intended to make the most out of it. I needed him to know I was finally ready, that I'm sorry it took so damn long to tell the world I loved him.

I loved Double D.

I love Eddward

_It's me... please don't give up on us._


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter theme song: "Fetish" by: Selena Gomez ft. Gucci Mane

**Epilogue**

**Eddward**

"Suck….hard." he commanded, forcing my head towards the throbbing tip of his erection. I nodded, tears still clouding my vision from when he had his grip around my throat as he pounded against my prostate.

Normally I would have an entire lecture about the dangers of doing direct rectum-to-oral cavity alternations but I was too far gone emotionally and mentally. I wasn't sure if it was the drugs Craig had given me or my broken heart. Either way, I wanted to hurt, I wanted to feel everything I have been burying deep beneath the surface.

Kevin left today for University of Southern California and he had a huge celebration party. Local and national television news stations sent interviewers to his home to get his perspective on his future football career on the West coast. They projected he would be drafted into the NFL before graduation his senior year at best. He was that good. I watched from my bedroom window, all the people around his front and backyard at the large, festive barbeque. They were dancing to the DJ spinning on his back deck some hits from the radio that were popular on the charts amongst others. Drinks and food were abundant as everyone who was everyone was present.

He even invited me. I couldn't force myself to go. I didn't recognize myself anymore. I felt like a shell of my former self that I was uncertain how I would even interact or engage with anyone at the large gathering- let alone Kevin. Since the last time we actually spoke the evening of Craig's party, I initiated permanent distance between us. He wasn't particularly fond of that idea but respectfully understood and abided by my request.

However, that didn't stop him and I was foolish to believe it would.

_There was a loud knock on my door, alarming me from my depressed slumber. I groggily looked at my phone, checking the time. It was a little after ten at night and I could feel a migraine approaching._

_I noticed I missed my alarm to take my medication and made a mental note to take it as I descended the stairs. _

_"Yes?" I asked out hoarsely. No one spoke, only more banging. _

_I got a little startled and attempted to check the peep-hole. They had covered it with their hands to prohibit validation of their identity. That was odd. _

_I swung the door open, expecting Ed or Eddy as they may have been in a drunken stupor from Kevin's party. I had noticed the plethora of alcohol at the party via photos on social media. I saw Eddy win a beer chugging contest against one of the jocks, twice, while Ed took a few shots of tequila with his significant other, Nancy. _

_I was greeted by a familiar red-headed jock. I felt my heart stop, his eyes glaring into mine. _

_"I didn't see you at my party today, dork."_

_I swallowed. "I wasn't feeling well."_

_Silence_

_"You alone?" He asked lowly, shoving his hands in his jean pockets. I took a good look at him. He definitely had much more muscle definition than I remember and it was courtesy of a summer of vigorous training for the upcoming football season at USC. I could almost see the definition of his lean stomach through his grey USC t-shirt. _

_I nodded dumbly, blushing at the idea of myself gawking over my ex. He must have noticed because he smirked, brushing past me to enter my empty home. _

_"Your parents here?" He asked, removing his tennis shoes at the foyer. He knew my phobia of dirt in my medical-grade cleaned home. _

_I found myself going into the kitchen, taking my medication from the kitchen cabinet along with a lone glass for water._

_"They haven't been here in almost a year."_

_I swallowed my medicine, sipping my water. The awkward silence between us made my skin crawl. It made me wonder how there was once laughter and ...love that resonated between us. _

_"You leave tomorrow." I whispered, turning to face him. "I am genuinely happy for all your success."_

_"Thanks." He mumbled, walking towards me dangerously close. "When do you leave for Harvard?"_

_"In a week." I whispered, almost inaudible. "Craig is driving me."_

_He scoffed, removing his infamous hat to run his hand through his hair. He put it back on. "I forgot he is going to MIT up the street from there."_

_I nodded. I felt his strong fingers dance underneath my chin, bringing my solemn gaze to meet his. My Cobalt blue met his Forrest green. I felt the tears I been fighting all day cascade slowly down for the beds of this fingertips. _

_His free arm slinked around my waist, bringing me closer to this chiseled frame. I could feel his heartbeat. "I love you. I always will, Eddward."_

_He kissed me. _

_I knew that this time would be the last time. We both did._

_We didn't have sex this time. Our intimacy was deeper than physical on our last night together. We made our way to the couch in my living room where he held me for a long time. A serene calmness engulfed me that made me feel safe and at ease. _

_I felt the softness of his fingers graze against the crown of my head and massage my soaring thoughts of uncertainty. I don't know when but I fell asleep in his arms against the soft beating of his heart and deep, even breaths. I found myself waking up alone in my living room with a small blanket wrapped around me. The bright streaks of sunlight grazed my face as an unsettling feeling washed over me. I found a note on the coffee table that read one word. The emptiness from last night returned._

_**Always- Kevin**_

_Kevin was gone._

I felt Craig pulsate inside my mouth, releasing himself with a feral grunt. I closed my eyes, succumbing to the whim of his pleasure. He gripped the back of my head, keeping me stilled until he was exhausted to completion.

He fell back against the comforter of his king sized bed with a loud this, skin glistening in the moonlight from perspiration. "Damn."

I remained silent, still kneeled at the foot of his bed, head lowered. I thought the harsh intimacy of Craig would create a suitable distraction but it only heightened the intense feelings of remorse and grief I carried that only seemed to intensify with each passing day.

I'm certain Craig knows but doesn't say anything.

"Come here, Eddward." He spoke lowly, almost gently.

I obediently followed, crawling to meet his gaze hushed slightly by the darkness of his bedroom. I felt his fingers hook around my collar, bringing me in for a rough kiss.

"You really love him, don't you?"

I didn't say anything. I diverted my gaze towards the smoothness of his skin. I traced the small freckles that peppered his flawless body.

He lifted my gaze to meet his. "Can you love me?" He whispered.

I didn't know the answer to that. I was too raw to even fathom the idea of loving anyone else aside Kevin. Sure, I had feelings of the romantic persuasion for Craig but they were nowhere near being remotely similar to what I felt for Kevin. I wasn't even sure if they were valid or just a response of post traumatic stress and Stockholm Syndrome.

"Edd." I finally looked at him. "Can you?"

"I don't know." I answered honestly. "I don't know if I can or even want to. I just want to feel right now."

"Feel what?"

"Anything."

He rubbed the bridge of his nose, gathering his thoughts. "You passed out earlier during sex."

"I didn't mind." I whispered.

"We never gone that far before." He paused. "What's even more fucked up is that I enjoyed it...a lot. I like hurting you."

"I know."

Silence.

"Is that what you want? To hurt?"

I gripped his hands, forcing back more tears. I didn't want them to fall this time. I wasn't ready to feel them yet.

"P-Please."

He gripped my hair, harder than ever before, forcing me to his lips. "As you wish."

I felt him throw me off the bed and onto the softness of his carpet. I let out a startled yelp before he mounted me from behind once more, pushing my face deeper into the plush fabric as he roughly gripped my growing erection between my legs. I let out a low moan, unsure if I wanted to cry from pain or the growing pressure of pleasure. His fingers massaged me to life, trails of my precum soiling his fingers as he used it for makeshift lube.

He entered me roughly, this time I unable to hold back the screaming. He yanked my head back, spine arched perfectly as his lips sucked my neck. He whispered in my ear to "shut the fuck up" before I woke his neighbors, releasing me suddenly only to slam me back further into the floor. He began his tempo.

_I felt a gentle nudge wake me out my slumber. My eyes fluttered open to meet the soft darkness of my living room, moonlight snaking against my face from the satin curtains. I felt the hardness of a warm body beneath me. I then remembered...Kevin._

_"Hey, Dork." He whispered, kissing my temple. I felt the warmth of the fleece blanket I had freshly laundered earlier this week. He must have retrieved it from the linen closet. _

_I looked into his eyes, half asleep. "Kevin, you ok?" I yawned._

_He remained silent for a moment before kissing me gently, but this time it was different. Our kisses have always been filled with passion, longing, lust, and emotional sentiments. _

_This kiss...it felt more special._

_It felt more...real._

_It felt... genuine._

_It was love. _

_"I love you. Always."_

_"Kevin…"_

_"Go back to sleep, dork." He cut me off with his strong arms enveloping me into a hug against his hard chest. "Goodnight."_

_**Always **_

**-Fin-**


End file.
